A Charmed Life: Life's a Play!

Warning: This is not really about "Japanese dating" so don't be misled if in case you are looking for a guide on Japanese dating. It is just a curious incident which I thought was a bit funny.


One early evening, my friend Leidy and I were cycling around the campus for we have nothing else to do. Then we thought of Zan and wanted to invite him to go cycling with us outside, to the river or to town. We went to his dorm but he was out and so we left a note for him, saying:

"We came here but you were not here." - from xxx.



Then we rushed out giggling for we know that Zan will be very puzzled when he reads the message. Then we met Hex, also riding his bicycle. We were surprised for we thought he should be on his way home at that time (it takes him 3 hours by train to reach his home). We accused him of stalking us. He readily agreed. (Hex is one hell of a joker). Three of us went on cycling and talking and we asked him why is it that when Japanese couples go out for a date it is betsu-betsu (pay your own). He was very surprised, and clearly confused by our question. He thought that betsu-betsu is just normal. We told him that in our countries it is not so, that it is the man who "always", or "usually," or at least "offers" to pay, especially if he is the one who invited.


So we told him that we are really disappointed with Japanese men. He started explaining, and a bit defensively :-), that in Japan, students (girl or guy) do part-time jobs because everything is very expensive, and that's why when they go out to eat, everybody pays his or her own. And that if the guy always pays the bill, he'd go bankrupt sooner or later. We of course agreed with Hex but we didn't show it, we just gave him a couple of Monalisa smiles (mysterious smile, he he). Then he said that he is sorry if the Japanese haven't been good to us, he seemed to have become guilty or maybe embarrassed?


After cycling around for quite a while, we felt hungry and so Leidy and I decided to go eat dinner in town. Hex wanted to come along. We ate, laughed and gossiped. And then Hex insisted to pay for all our meals! It was our turn to be surprised. We tried to convince him that we were only joking when we said that a man must pay the bill, and besides this was not a date! But he stood his ground and couldn't be dissuaded. Leidy and I felt very guilty after that. Teeheee... :-)


From then on, as long as I can remember, whenever Hex invited, he always paid the bill, even for my friends! Wont he go bankrupt?!? Gee, Japanese psychology is erratic! :-)