A Charmed Life: Life's a Play!

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it's winter time in places where there is winter :-), yep northern hemisphere.


i LUV winter. oh, i lived for two years in "snow-country," a place where tons of snow lasts for almost half a year. yeah, it was really depressing for many, specially that we were all away from home. but I didn't make a fuss much about the weather then. perhaps because there were just lots of things to do. i mean, if schoolwork and deadlines come to you like avalanche themselves, you don't really have time to think about the weather...


with my very limited photo-manipulating abilities, i tried my best to make these old photos look better, but it seems this is how good it can get. (these were re-shoot pictures from a hard-copy photo album, since i have no photo scanner)...

Warning: This is not really about "Japanese dating" so don't be misled if in case you are looking for a guide on Japanese dating. It is just a curious incident which I thought was a bit funny.


One early evening, my friend Leidy and I were cycling around the campus for we have nothing else to do. Then we thought of Zan and wanted to invite him to go cycling with us outside, to the river or to town. We went to his dorm but he was out and so we left a note for him, saying:

"We came here but you were not here." - from xxx.



Then we rushed out giggling for we know that Zan will be very puzzled when he reads the message. Then we met Hex, also riding his bicycle. We were surprised for we thought he should be on his way home at that time (it takes him 3 hours by train to reach his home). We accused him of stalking us. He readily agreed. (Hex is one hell of a joker). Three of us went on cycling and talking and we asked him why is it that when Japanese couples go out for a date it is betsu-betsu (pay your own). He was very surprised, and clearly confused by our question. He thought that betsu-betsu is just normal. We told him that in our countries it is not so, that it is the man who "always", or "usually," or at least "offers" to pay, especially if he is the one who invited.


So we told him that we are really disappointed with Japanese men. He started explaining, and a bit defensively :-), that in Japan, students (girl or guy) do part-time jobs because everything is very expensive, and that's why when they go out to eat, everybody pays his or her own. And that if the guy always pays the bill, he'd go bankrupt sooner or later. We of course agreed with Hex but we didn't show it, we just gave him a couple of Monalisa smiles (mysterious smile, he he). Then he said that he is sorry if the Japanese haven't been good to us, he seemed to have become guilty or maybe embarrassed?


After cycling around for quite a while, we felt hungry and so Leidy and I decided to go eat dinner in town. Hex wanted to come along. We ate, laughed and gossiped. And then Hex insisted to pay for all our meals! It was our turn to be surprised. We tried to convince him that we were only joking when we said that a man must pay the bill, and besides this was not a date! But he stood his ground and couldn't be dissuaded. Leidy and I felt very guilty after that. Teeheee... :-)


From then on, as long as I can remember, whenever Hex invited, he always paid the bill, even for my friends! Wont he go bankrupt?!? Gee, Japanese psychology is erratic! :-)

Unfortunately, i do not have a Diary entry about the "date." I wonder why. Maybe I was simply too excited to write? Maybe words to describe just ceased to flow at that time? Or maybe if I wrote it would sound too corny? I really don't know why there was no entry about that Saturday night I so looked forward to. But sometimes it does happens this way since I only write in my diary if I'm urged to.


Anyway, that Saturday night was retained in memory. But I'm not going to detail the details for it may just bore the reader. :-)


By the way, when we first made the appointment to meet, he said that he will come by train and so we meet at my train station. But the night before the appointed day, he sent a short email saying he will come by car and will pick me up at the gate of my campus, and that if he's not there yet at the appointed time, I shall call him because he might just got lost on his way for it will be his first time to travel that route.


So the day came, I had this amazing archeology class (we call it "digging class" because we were digging pieces of broken pots and stone implements of some pre-historic people) that goes from 2:30 to 5 PM. And my date was at 6 o'clock. One of my classmates, who is also a friend and a kababayan, knew about my story and my date. All the while, whilst digging, brushing and examining specimens, I was feeling nervous and at the same time excited for my upcoming evening date. When the clock ticked 5:10, the Prof. was not yet dismissing us. This made me more nervous. 5:20, the Prof. seemed to be enjoying digging that very particularly day. 5:35, the Prof. was just very oblivious of time. So I told my friend that I'm going to slip away while the Prof. is not looking. And that's exactly what I did.


The digging site is surrounded by the forest so all I needed was to get out of the clearing and I would become invisible among the trees. While the Prof. was inside one of the pits, busy scrutinizing some tiny specimen with his magnifying glass, I casually walked away from the clearing. When I was behind the trees and the thick foliage, I ran to the dorm and quickly took a shower, put on a nice but casual clothes. I grabbed my bicycle and hurried to the gate. (yikes, when I think of this now it gives me tickles).



At exactly 6, I was there. But nobody was there, except me of course. I sat down on the pavement waiting. 6:05, nobody yet. I could feel my heart like I drank a lot of coffee but I kept calm. I thought to myself that if he does not appear by 6:10 to 6:15 I will call him. I was outside the gate and was looking towards the driveway, anticipating that I'll see a car coming from there. And then somebody said hello, from the back. I looked behind me and there was this young guy walking towards me, smiling shyly. I didn't recognize him at first sight but he recognized me, (well I was the only one there who was obviously waiting for somebody!). It was more than two months since we first saw each other.



Then he said he parked his car somewhere and that we have to walk to go there. So we did, and while walking, I asked him what time he started from his place, and he said, "3 o'clock" and that he reached my place at 4:30. So I figured that he had been waiting for me for another 1.5 hours at where he parked his car. And that explains why his hair looked like he just woke up from sleep, or perhaps from boredom. But I was flattered. :-)



Then when we were inside the car, he asked where I want to go. I opened my guidebook (yeah, i was a nerd) and told him that I want to go to where the biggest firework is on that evening. He looked at my guidebook and said that the place is at the center of Tokyo, where there would be so many people for the festival, and surely there would be no place to park. So I said that we can then go anywhere. He asked me if I have eaten dinner yet and I said no. So he suggested we go for dinner, and asked me if I know a good place since we are around my area. I thought of the places I used to go to with friends but I could not suggest them because I was shy (nyeheheh), and I actually wanted to discover other places. Since I couldn't suggest, we decided to go driving and look out for a place. And that's what we did, until we came to a place which he said is a good place. And so we went inside and we ordered. The place is quite expensive (for us students anyway) and I remembered I have only a thousand Yen in my purse because in my hurry, I forgot to withdraw from the campus ATM. One order for one person was like 1500, and he even ordered for a huge ice cream for me. And of course I couldn't eat. Not because the food was not good but because I was just too nervous, I had butterflies in my stomach.

I couldn't eat all my food and even my special dessert and he said it's ok, I should not eat more than I can.


And we talked. We talked about family, religion, politics and other things. And he kept on repeating, at regular intervals, that it was so wonderful that we met. I feigned indifference about that, although I felt very much the same as he does. Then I asked him, with a very serious tone, why he did not reply me for a very long time. When he realized that I seriously didn't like what happened, he profusely apologized. He seemed to have not expected that it was a big deal for me. To make it up, he promised that by next month he will buy a more high-tech mobile phone so he will email me everyday from his phone (this was year 2000). And yes, he told me that one reason for not replying sooner was because he was self-studying hard for English! He said he was very sorry that his English was not good when we first met. And indeed, his English has considerably improved! And yes, he in fact called Yuki's home and he spoke to a woman and asked for me. And that woman he spoke with told him that I am not there (we guessed that that woman was Yuki's mother and since she does not know anything about me, she thought that it was a wrong number call. He said that that's the only conversation that transpired between them).


By the way, dating in Japan, specially among students is a standard "Dutch Treat," that's why I was very worried about my money. Or, sometimes, the guy pays for the food and the girl pays the drinks (aha I will blog a story about this in another post, it's interesting).



After the meal and conversation, we decided to go out. But before that, we had to pay. He stood up, went to the cashier and I followed him. I had my purse in my hand and he just looked at me, smiled and said, he's going to pay "because Japanese men pay." I replied, "no, Japanese men don't pay, it's betsu-betsu" (pay your own). He was very amused, he affectionately tapped the money bills he was holding, on my head, laughing and saying: "you know so much about the Japanese!"



It was drizzling outside. We drove back to a park near my campus and we talked some more. Just before he dropped me off, he asked what I will be doing the next weekend. I said, a Canadian friend of mine is coming over to visit me. He was impressed. What about the week after that? The week after that will be my final exam week.


When we parted, we didn't set a date for a next meeting but we both kind of had a mutual quiet understanding that we would certainly meet again, soon.


It was half past midnight when I got back to the dorm and I knew that the main doors were already locked because the weekend curfew is 11:30. So I called up a friend through the public phone booth outside my dorm and she opened the door for me. If I were the other girls, I would go through the window at the back, trespassing in somebody else's room. :-)



Oh, I thought this post would be short but I didn't notice I went on babbling!!!

Thanks for reading!

Two years ago, I was again invited to witness a Japanese wedding. The first time I was 'informally' invited was 8 years ago but to which I was not able to go. My friend then, thought that her elder sister`s wedding could be a good opportunity for me to witness a Japanese wedding. My friend invited me first before asking her sister`s permission. Unluckily, her sister told her that all invitations have already been sent out and it's not possible to make changes. And, attendants are limited to only those with formal invitations. Although a Japanese herself, my dear friend, didn`t also know much about Japanese weddings.

Japanese weddings consist of two parts. First is the wedding ceremony where only relatives and very close friends are invited. This is usually done in the shrine or temple and the bride and bridegroom wear traditional costumes, usually pure white for the bride and black robe (like what Tom Cruise wear in "the Last Samurai" movie, he he) according to the Shinto tradition. The second part is the wedding party held in a hotel or restaurant. The wedded couple change their attires. The bride wears a western wedding dress in which she will change again into a silk kimono later. The bridegroom wears a formal suit.

The one I went to, however, was not very Japanese. Everything, ceremony and party were held in a cruise ship along Tokyo bay. It was cool, a great experience. It was cooler that I got to meet people from the past that I thought I would never have the chance of meeting again. Life is full of surprises huh? :-) Big thanks to the wedded couple for inviting me.

By the way, Japanese weddings are extremely expensive, it costs millions to billions of yen so the couple have to save for years, just for that one day ceremony.

Although Tokyo occupies a mere 0.6% of the total area of Japan, more than 10% of Japan`s population is concentrated here, hence the place is really congested. And with this congestion, comes the many things we dislike about the place.

After one Wednesday class, I went to the library to read the newspaper. I found 2 Filipina chatting. One of them is in my class and she greeted me as I entered the room. The other lady is pregnant and, referring to me, she said, "ah, Pilipina din siya?" (oh, she's also a FIlipina?) After an exchange of hi`s and hello`s, she begun to interrogate me:

"Are you a student?" "No". "Are you working then?" "No". "Are you married to a Japanese?" "No".

So I told her about my tourist visa status. She was delighted and promptly and excitedly recommended me to work in the pub where she used to work. I told her that although, I`d love to, my 'guardian' might not allow me. She tried to convince me by saying that the pay is good and the work is easy. "You will earn a lot because you are young. The women who are working there are like in their 5o`s and 60`s and, here, look at me, even if I am big and pregnant like this the men like me because at least I`m younger", she said with a giggle. "In your case they`ll swarm to you like bees!" Then I told her that I cannot work because I don`t have a working visa. She said: "the management won`t even care whether you have a passport!" Then, with a concerned air, she went on, " if you don`t work, who will pay for your expenses? who will pay your air ticket? how can you send money to the Phils?" etc, etc....

Are there other jobs? I asked. She told me of a factory job and strongly encouraged me to apply.

It is my first time to really talk with a Japayuki close - up. I felt that she was genuinely concerned about my welfare and that`s why she was so eager to tell me about the vacancies she knows about.

I guess, this is the way they do it here? The way they try to `help` their kababayan? (country people). Or the way they recruit?

The other day, in the same Wednesday class there was a total of 6 Filipinas who attended this time, including me as the newcomer. When they learned that I`m Filipino and not a student, they automatically thought I`m a "talent". Gingerly, I said in a joking way, "no, I`m not a talent because I don`t really have any talent". That didn't help, from that day on, they considered me as outsider in their group.

I have nothing against the `talent` occupation. For me, it`s just another kind of work, I hold no judgments whatsoever... I'm just afraid it is a little dreadful that even Filipinos/Filipinas themselves assume that all Filipinas in Japan are `talents` or that sort of thing. No wonder other nationalities have that stereotype about us.

That talk with that pregnant lady made me think more about it on my way home: Perhaps it depends on the club or pub and the people who go to the pub but I have been to a pub owned and managed by a Filipina before. The Filipina owner happened to be the ninang (godmother) of a Filipino exchange student friend of mine and they haven`t met since after he was baptized and so when she learned that her godchild is inJapan, she invited him to visit her. My friend, uncomfortable of meeting someone he doesn't remember at all, coaxed me to accompany him.

Her pub was really small and cozy and there was an easy atmosphere of cordiality and familiarity among the customers, the staff and owner. There were just 3 women (4 if including the owner) working there, all Filipina. 2 younger ones, aged early 20's, and one older, 55 yrs old. All they did every night was to sit together in groups in 3 or 4 different tables, drink, talk, gossip about the day`s events, and sing karaoke.... no more than that, really...

...But maybe, just maybe, this one is a different, decent establishment. Perhaps because the owner is Filipina and an Igorot and the 2 younger ladies are her own nieces. The 2 young women served like young muses, while the elder plump woman, who by now is very good in Nihongo, because she is married to a Japanese man, was more like a nurturing mother figure with whom these work-tired Japanese men find some kind of feminine peace and motherly comfort.

I also read of a well-known Filipina magazine columnist who applied for a pub work (sitting around a table talking and drinking with 3 or 4 men) in Amsterdam.She did this just for the experience when she was travelling around the world. She was given a 3 nights trial by the management but she reported to work twice only, leaving the place after she felt that the conversations are a little shallow for her intelligence.

~~~

As I said, I have nothing
against this kind of work nor the people who do this work.. So when I got home, I relayed my conversation with the pregnant woman to my boyfriend. I told him that I would like to try for even just one night for the sake of experience, hihi. I reasoned out that if ever I`m gonna be a writer someday I should be well-rounded enough.. His response was like, "eeehh?!?! dame! (what?!? no!)

hahaha!!...

Someday, perhaps someday before my visa stay ends, I get to convince the Boyfriend... though, I`m actually a little scared of the prospects of doing it :)

I was in Taipei airport waiting for my connecting flight to Hiroshima. 5 minutes before the boarding gates opened, a middle aged couple came and sat on the seat next to me. After getting settled, the man, clean-shaven head and dark eyeglasses, looked at me and asked, Firipin? (Philippines) I said, yes. Then he started some casual talk about this and that then asked me about something I`m not familiar with. I forgot the topic by now but it had something to do with Filipino entertainers in Japan. So, I told him that I do not know what he was talking about. The woman beside him (I think his wife), who had been listening to our conversation, said something to him. He looked at me again and confirmed if I am a `tarento`. "Tarento?" I whispered to myslef.. "No, I am not".