A Charmed Life: Life's a Play!

This is a bit long, and maybe a bit strong.
But if you're interested to read, sit down, relax and keep an open mind.




This post was inspired by a recent correspondence with a friend. I met him about a couple of years ago when I was just beginning my travel adventure and while he was just ending his 6 months adventure in Southeast Asia. Though he was depressed to leave, his time was up so he had to go.


While in his country, doing the things he had to do, his thoughts were preoccupied with his comeback plan to Asia. He had been patiently counting the years, months, days: "only two more years and I am off to Asia, forever." Or so he thought.


We had been corresponding and all I could suggest to him while he dreamed and longed for Asia, was to enjoy where he is at the moment, because  it doesn't really make a difference where one is. In my traveling experience, I have confirmed the truth of 'everywhere is the same.' It is what is going on in your heart and mind that matters, and that which makes a difference in yourself and in how you conduct your life. It is not how many places you have been, it is not where you are, it is not how many exotic food you have eaten, etc, etc..


But he didn't listen to me, he still believed that Asia is the best for him and he wants to be around Asian people, to be with an Asian woman, and to work and live in Asia. He loves Asian culture and he made a pretty good effort to learn Asian languages and culture. Young as he is, I could say that he is pretty integrated and an open-minded westerner. (He attribute this  to his hometown in Toulouse, South of France, where, comparatively, there is a good mix of people from different parts of the world, a warmer climate and more relaxed atmosphere).


Very funny, while Asian people  are dreaming of 'golden' Europe, many European people are dreaming of exotic, exciting, and warmer people of Asia.


A month before he flew back to Asia, his emails were nothing but full of excitement of being able to again speak the local lingo, to eat the local food, go trekking, surfing, exploring un-touristic places, meet interesting people, etc, etc.


So he came back, very happy, met some old friends, went to the usual bars, visited his favorite places/countries, went even further to what he described as paradise nooks--where there are no throngs of tourists around.


Certainly, he wanted to come and see me. But I told him not this time, not in this season, and not in my current 'mode'. I was not going to go and show somebody around in this typhoon season. He said he understood.


After less than two months in only 2 countries, he suddenly announced to everybody that he is going back to Europe. Everybody was surprised. His announcement in FB got many reactions. Why? What happened? What's next?



So I emailed to ask him what the heck is the matter. What happened to his "forever" dream to be in Asia.


1. He said that it wasn't the same as before.

2. That his country is not as bad as he had originally thought. (I told him so! It is the same everywhere, with the pros and cons of each country. Plus it is a well known fact that South of France is one of the warmer, more social, and less phony parts of Europe!)


3. That he somehow realized he did not want a flighty lifestyle: "but i want to live comfortable, nice apartment , etc.................not with a backpack.............but still with friends from all over the world of course.."


4. In his own words, I quoted: "but ye, i m little sick of travelling people now.... i really don't like it anymore, it's bullshit..........dirty european travellers...not integrated into society.............."


Ha ha! what could I do but laugh!
Although quite unexpected of him to say that he is sick of travelers, it's nice to see people's views about their own. And I perfectly understand what he meant. I've seen many such travelers also. I thought they're supposed to travel to widen their perspectives but instead, they go around dragging their own 'sh_t, sorry for the bloody term. They go around with their homegrown prejudices, biases, ingrained ways of thinking that do not apply to the local situation, arrogance, etc. And they have very little effort to learn the language, to learn and understand the culture of their host country. Instead, they just go on criticizing the different ways of their host countries. Though, admittedly, they are maybe rightly criticizing the 'substandard' methods of their host country, comparing it to their more standard and better way of doing things, but what the heck, it is just your host country, you're not going to live there forever, so why try to fix the whole f_ck_n' system? Fix yourself first, man. Moreover, you have just arrived, there is so much you don't know yet about the whole situation of your host country, so why go on blabbering about how bad this is and how bad that is? And lastly, if they have not heard it yet: "While in Rome, do what the Romans do." It pays to bend yourself a little, you, so-called seasoned (or even to the unseasoned) traveler!



Asians who go to Europe  are more willing to adjust and play by the rules because they know where they stand. They even go to the point of being kowtowing slaves just so in order to earn a living and to keep harmonious relations with the people of their host country. They are willing to do all the shit-work in the West. In contrast, many westerners coming to Asia still want to insist on their own ways.




But to balance it out, here's my friend's number 5 reason (though, to stroke my ego a bit, he he, I did not cut away what he and another friend of ours, thought about me).

5. now , i think if i travel again , will be completely different and not that long , know where i m going and who i m visiting and what i want to do.. but anyway ..when i was in indonesia i stayed in real isolated places with no one tourist....., speaking good indonesian with people...so friendly.....but after a while, for them, i'm still a foreigner with a lot of money and nothing else and i hate that...... but i still really like the respectful size of people even if they fuck you by the side....and should probably be like that also in the philippines, i know they love money from westerners....but i know you are different......and willy my friend, knows as well, he said very good things about you.....



Here was some of my reply to him:

many southeast asians would think you have money, they think all westerners have a lot of money.. they want your money, and that is because they don't have it so they want it.. but if you were them, very poor like them, do you think you'd want to get money too?? to help survive or help the family??... But certainly though, their lack of money is of course not enough reason to cheat and be disrespectful of other people.. so they are to blame, but in order to understand their mentality, try to be in their shoes.. 

on the other hand, i also know and have seen many travelers/backpackers who are very stingy with the locals.. i've seen travelers who ask too much discount until the discount they ask becomes utterly unreasonable, lower than what the locals, themselves, pay... what do these travelers think of themselves?


and also, travelers carrying their heavy backpacks, and you see them very tired and weary yet they are too stingy to take tuktuks because they believe they will be ripped off, or at worst, robbed.. or maybe they are just too plain stingy not to accept assistance from others, and so in turn they don't allow themselves to be of help to others. They only think of themselves, they focus on the thought that they will be cheated, robbed and perhaps murdered by this poverty-stricken, crude-looking Asian (who, in fairness, is only trying to make ends meet). These kinds of undesirable travelers don't even consider that by taking the services of a local in their host country, they are helping to provide one meal for an entire struggling family. And then they go to the bars and spend much money getting drunk or binging on some food. Meanwhile, the poor tuktuk driver is up all night hoping to find some passengers to serve, in exchange of a little money. So who is more crude, really?


and sure, there are locals who also make their prices extremely expensive..but if you call yourself a traveler, you shall have known that this is a part of the game, and so you shall be open to learn the art of negotiation... for unless a traveler is truly a moron, he will not be cheated for a couple of a hundred bucks.


but if in case you were ripped-off a couple of hundred bucks and don't want to call yourself a moron, or even to avoid blaming someone else, just think that you gave it out to charity and don't take it to heart, it is just money anyway.. Your harmonious interaction with other people will give you more security, because really, it is not your money that gives you security while you travel around.



Of course I did not have to mention all the above things to my friend because I know I didn't have to. But of all I've told him, he had been very receptive and he said he thinks and hopes he was not that kind of undesirable traveler when he was in Asia.


I also mentioned to him that even if he is just an innocent traveler who comes in peace, but the fact that everything is interrelated, the desperation of some materially-deprived people can badly affect him. A young, idealistic, European traveler, whose only wish is to experience the good part of Asia is not spared from the problem of poverty, a social problem which everyone of us contributed to.


Despite all I told him about western biases, in the end he still maintained his love of Asia and traveling and people when he said:

i still love asia, and travel, and want to live with an asian woman, even if we live in europe.............that s my dream........



By the way, to those who are curious about how he looks like, he is a dashing young man of French-Algerian and Polish descent, now, can you just picture that? lol!




note: "Traveler" as  used here is referring to the backpacking traveler, not your usual tourist type.

Pick what your intuition tells you. be honest and frank..:-)


a. because he's simply a jerk!
b. he was undergoing some serious personal problem.
c. he put himself in a kind of trouble.
d. he has a girlfriend.
e. he was really, truly, busy.
f. he was afraid of something.
g. somebody told him to better stop meeting me for whatever reason.
h. he had a change of heart.
i. somebody died.
j. he was running for the national elections, gihihihi!
k. _________________________ (fill in the blank)
l. __________________________ (fill in the blank)



lovely!

That was called the Pacman vs. Hitman fight yesterday.

I don't watch boxing, but because of so much talk I hear around me(which is usual during Pacman fights), I You Tubed to see what it's all about. :-)


Pacman is Filipino from General Santos City, Mindanao and Hitman is British from Manchester.

I guess it's really not where a person comes from nor about his race, but the way one conducts oneself tells much about a person.


When I watched the video on You Tube where they got weighed in, I had a glimpse of these two boxers' personalities. Amidst the crowd, when presented, Pacman pressed his palms together close to his chest and bowed really low -- a salutation commonly used in eastern martial arts. It's meant to express respect and humility. Hitman, on the other hand, raised his right hand to show an aggressive clench fist gesture, which I think, means "fight!" or maybe, "I am / we are more powerful than you" kind of body-language message. Or, perhaps it's just the most accepted manly way of displaying brute force.


When he came up on stage, Pacman looked a bit intimidated by the deafening roars of the cheering Brits (sounded like that war-cry-chant you hear during soccer games), but he maintained a very relaxed, soft and smiling expression all the time. The Hitman, on the other hand, maintained a stony-face, despite his large-cheering crowd. And while the Pacman raised his arms to make that hand gesture of "love," the Hitman kept raising his arms shaking his clench fists.


Or is this the difference between Eastern and Western cultural attributes?


On another video, I saw it was Hitman who challenged Pacman for a match.
And he was even very impatient to fight Pacman.



Pacman fought like he was dancing.

On the first round, Hitman was knocked down twice.

On the second round, Hitman was knocked out.

Everybody was stunned.

A bit too early, but it's Game Over.



I don't like seeing people fighting. I don't like seeing people losing and being bloody.

But it was a very good game, very brief, so not very bloody.


here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgNRKOPdx50

This update was supposed to be out last week. But when I went to check on the Final Decision last week, for some reason, it was still not decided on. I was asked to go back this week.


I went to the Trial Court with my heart beating faster than normal.


Me: (Talking to a staff) I'd like to follow-up Case no. 0370

Staff: (Smiling) Ah, about the case of the dog bite??

Me: No, no.. Nothing to do with a dog bite. It was filed under SC. No. 0370. The last hearing was held a couple of weeks ago and I was told to come today to know the final verdict. It is about ____ vs. ____ .

Staff: Oh, that one! Wasn't that Case already dismissed??

Me: Dismissed??? Are you sure?

Staff: Well, let's see...

He stood up and proceeded to another table to search through piles of folders while humming a song. Those moments, while he took his time rummaging through stack of papers, took ages. Continuously, he mumbled, "Sc. No. 0370.. No. 0370...." in between his song...


At last, I saw him pull out a folder. He walked back towards where I was standing. He laid the folder on the table, opened it slowly and leafed through the pages. In my mind I was shouting "faster!"


From the folder he pulled out a stapled document, looked at it a bit, raised a bored eyebrow, then handed it to me, finally...

I took it, hurriedly thanked him and went out of the room to read it in one of the benches outside.


It is a long four-paged document. My hands a bit shaking, I patiently read all through it, page by page, word by word, without skipping to the final page. The first part summarized the circumstances of my complaint and my demand, I thought I was winning. But for the second part, it summarized the response and defense of the Defendant, I thought I'm gonna lose. The third part was the Judge's take on the matter. Finally, the last part is the conclusion, or Decision. I won the Lawsuit!

Judge: (Talking to me) How much was the loan the Complainant is asking from the Defendant?

Me: ____ Php...

Judge: (Addressing the defendant) What is the defense of the Defendant?

Defendant: I did not receive any money. (firmly and defensively)

Judge: Does the Complainant have a receipt that supports her claim?

Me: No Sir.

Judge: (To me again) If you don't have a receipt of the loan what other evidences can you show to prove that the Defendant owes you money?

Me: I have a Witness with me right now and she is willing to answer questions. She also made a sworn affidavit on my favor.

Judge: (Talking to me again.) The decisive factors in lawsuits are the written evidences, documents, as well as the integrity/credibility of the parties involved.

Defendant: yesss! (relieved)

Me: (sh_t)

Judge: Will you call over the Witness to come in front.

I motioned for the witness to come in front.

Judge: (To the Witness) Are you a Witness to the transaction that occurred between Plaintiff and Defendant?

Witness: Yes Sir, I was acting as the Defendant's assistant at that time. Since I was the one overseeing her business, the Defendant who was my boss, ordered me to receive the money from the Complainant and hand it to her. The Defendant was my boss at that time and I just followed her order to receive the money from the Complainant. I received the money and personally handed it to the Defendant.


Defendant: (Addressing the Judge) Your Honor, I did not receive the said amount of money.


Then the judge again asked me if I have additional documents to submit which will support my claim. I told him that I already submitted what I could: My 3-paged statement, the sworn affidavit of my witness, and email exchanges with the defendant.

(In the last hearings, I already submitted the scanty documents I could gather to prove the legitimacy of my claim but the Judge did not have time to peruse them. The defendant likewise already submitted her evidences to deny my claims. I only submitted three documents while the defendant submitted many, I didn't know what they were that she submitted.)


Judge: Ok, the Case is now submitted for final decision based on the documents you both have turned-over to us. Session adjourned!


That's it??? Ughhh.. So disappointing. Decision will be based on submitted documents only?? I kind of expected we would finally and rigorously be cross-examined, including the Witness, so that three of us would be given the chance to state our claims and so that it will be ascertained who is lying and who is telling the truth.


Ah, this is such a game of suspense.


(Next will be the final decision as the Judge had said.)

Have you ever been to court? For a lawsuit involving yourself?


I never-ever imagined to be in court for any issue involving myself. In fact, my MA thesis is about "Alternative Dispute Resolution" which espouses what the words literally mean -- an 'alternative way of resolving disputes -- meaning, not using the legal system in redressing disputes, if at all possible. The concept of ADR is being practiced in many countries now. An advantage of the ADR method is to avoid the long, costly, dragging, and exhausting court procedures. Also, resolving disputes through other means other than the legal system is a great help in reducing the clogging of cases in government courts.


I strongly support the ADR method, and, I also never thought of myself being involved in whatever disputes that are deserving of 'court-attention' anyway. These are the 2 main reasons why I never imagined or expected to be in court.


But sometimes, the inevitable can happen, and you are not left with a better choice. You've got to do what you've got to do to remedy some imbalance.


Early this year, after 2 and a half years of a fully ripened loan, I filed a lawsuit against my previous boss. Perhaps because of either my generosity or naivety I became a victim of a liar. I learned that even her very reason in coaxing me to lend her money was based on a lie. "Please lend money to help our needy blah blah. You will be immediately paid after a month, blah blah..." And I believed her. I trusted her so much (after all she is my employer, the one who is giving me my salary) that I didn't even press for a written agreement. I didn't even think of collecting interest for the loaned money, after all, I was promised that my money will be borrowed for the short duration of a month only. I've been working for my boss for more than a year already, how can I not trust her?


Not firmly asking for a written agreement or a receipt was a big mistake. Trusting her was a big mistake. Being easy on her for the initial months -- not strongly pressing for the payback was a big mistake. Not asserting myself was a big mistake. I admit I made mistakes.


Thus the issue became bigger and nastier. I talked her into ADR, to discuss and settle the matter between us only, but she wouldn't budge. Instead, she simply continued giving me the same lies and excuses she have already told me many times before. After I filed the case in court, and as it is a part of the legal system's preliminary procedure, one of the legal mediators again tried the possibility of amicable settlement. But, just the same, the defendant wouldn't want to admit that she received any money from me. She insisted that she didn't receive the said loan and she never used my money. I'm at the losing end because I don't have any tangible evidence to prove that I loaned her money. Since we cannot come up with an agreement because the defendant stubbornly refuses to acknowledge responsibility, our case was passed-on to another branch of the court, this time it is for the judge to arbitrate.


I went on with the case for I strongly felt the urge to do something about the problem. To correct a past mistake, for the restoration of self-respect due to the lies and 'abuses' that transpired. And, certainly, I also need the money which I thought was properly "mine."


It's not a huge amount of money, but, just like any other lawsuit, I confirmed what I only knew in theory -- that legal court cases are truly time and energy consuming as well as more costly than necessary. We were asked to go to court several times only to be unheard, and case re-scheduled yet again and again. In addition, I had to go to court to follow-up on the developments as the sheriff is a little too slow in delivering the 'notices.'


to be continued ...

(this was a forwarded email)

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500's:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof when it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, it’s raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “dirt poor”. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer..

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

When you were born, you didn't come with an owner's manual; these guidelines make life work better.

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "Life on Planet Earth". Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success."

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it: then you can go on to the next lesson.

5. If you don't learn easy lessons, they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. Pain is how the universe gets your attention.

6. You will know you've learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is practice. A little of something is better than a lot of nothing.

7. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that again looks better than "here."

8. Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.

9. Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life, or someone else will.

10. You always get what you want. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract; therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.

11. There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences. Moralizing doesn't help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.

12. Your answers lie inside you. Children need guidance from others; as we mature, we trust our hearts, where the Laws of Spirit are written. You know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do is to look, listen, and trust.

13. You will forget all this.

14. You can remember any time you wish.

author - I wish it was me ;-)

...The previous evening, the Chief mentioned to me about some burial jars left lying at the back of the munusipyo (town hall). So before going to the port that morning, I went to have a look at the jars.

The ancient Ivatans have 2 major ways of burying their dead. One is putting their dead, fetal position, inside large burial jars. The jars are huge, about 3 feet long or more. When I saw the jars left there to crumble, I was a bit concerned.

I remember, years ago in my archeology digging class in Tokyo, we tried our best to dig, slowly and carefully to preserve whatever artifact we may find. If we find even just a fragment or a chip, we handle it with utmost care ensuring it reaches its safe place in a museum. But here, these huge ancient (and perhaps sacred) jars are left exposed to the power of the elements. One jar is even turned into a trash can.