A Charmed Life: Life's a Play!

These photos appeared in my inbox a couple of days ago. I was confused as to whether it was just sent, or if it was sent some years ago but somehow just got stuck and was miraculously hidden somewhere in my inbox and have only recently re-appeared, (sometimes this seems to happen). So I emailed the sender to confirm if he just sent me some photos of 3.5 years ago which I have totally forgotten. He promptly emailed back saying that he indeed just sent the photos because he was not sure if he ever sent them...

ha ha, and that was exactly three and a half years ago! I have not been in touch with this stranger, a fellow passenger on a rocky boat ride to Sabtang island, who took some snapshots of me. Thus I was very surprised when he sent the photos after years have already passed.














Whew, what a fresh reminder of my solo adventure to the Batanes group of islands where i was stranded for weeks due to weather conditions. I was very glad I went there when only a few could really walk the talk, he he.. Just before going there, I researched in the internet and could only see a couple of information and a handful of government/tourism photos. Now if you google it, there's a lot of information and thousands of photos about the islands...



It was in Batanes where I experienced how extremely rough and inhospitable nature can become. I almost died on the boat trip from Itbayat to Basco, and it was not due to a capsizing boat, but my body was half frozen because of cold, and much weakened because of vomiting. It was more than a roller coaster ride where the boat was like a surfer being carried by the huge waves of the open sea. The icy-cold, salty ocean wave kept lashing at me, forcing me to eat salt, causing my eyes to be sour, and salt crystallizing all over my face . So I was just grateful for the rain to be alternatively whisking its freshness washing off the salt which was wind-drying on my body. I kept holding on to the side of the boat lest I'll fall down for sea creatures to snack on. Oh, what a memory!


Yet, paradoxically, the people were just the opposite of their volcanic- rock-islands and moody-broody weather, for they were one of the most gentle, warm and hospitable people I ever met.


I survived, and it was a wonderful trip indeed....

Pick what your intuition tells you. be honest and frank..:-)


a. because he's simply a jerk!
b. he was undergoing some serious personal problem.
c. he put himself in a kind of trouble.
d. he has a girlfriend.
e. he was really, truly, busy.
f. he was afraid of something.
g. somebody told him to better stop meeting me for whatever reason.
h. he had a change of heart.
i. somebody died.
j. he was running for the national elections, gihihihi!
k. _________________________ (fill in the blank)
l. __________________________ (fill in the blank)



lovely!

Warning: This is not really about "Japanese dating" so don't be misled if in case you are looking for a guide on Japanese dating. It is just a curious incident which I thought was a bit funny.


One early evening, my friend Leidy and I were cycling around the campus for we have nothing else to do. Then we thought of Zan and wanted to invite him to go cycling with us outside, to the river or to town. We went to his dorm but he was out and so we left a note for him, saying:

"We came here but you were not here." - from xxx.



Then we rushed out giggling for we know that Zan will be very puzzled when he reads the message. Then we met Hex, also riding his bicycle. We were surprised for we thought he should be on his way home at that time (it takes him 3 hours by train to reach his home). We accused him of stalking us. He readily agreed. (Hex is one hell of a joker). Three of us went on cycling and talking and we asked him why is it that when Japanese couples go out for a date it is betsu-betsu (pay your own). He was very surprised, and clearly confused by our question. He thought that betsu-betsu is just normal. We told him that in our countries it is not so, that it is the man who "always", or "usually," or at least "offers" to pay, especially if he is the one who invited.


So we told him that we are really disappointed with Japanese men. He started explaining, and a bit defensively :-), that in Japan, students (girl or guy) do part-time jobs because everything is very expensive, and that's why when they go out to eat, everybody pays his or her own. And that if the guy always pays the bill, he'd go bankrupt sooner or later. We of course agreed with Hex but we didn't show it, we just gave him a couple of Monalisa smiles (mysterious smile, he he). Then he said that he is sorry if the Japanese haven't been good to us, he seemed to have become guilty or maybe embarrassed?


After cycling around for quite a while, we felt hungry and so Leidy and I decided to go eat dinner in town. Hex wanted to come along. We ate, laughed and gossiped. And then Hex insisted to pay for all our meals! It was our turn to be surprised. We tried to convince him that we were only joking when we said that a man must pay the bill, and besides this was not a date! But he stood his ground and couldn't be dissuaded. Leidy and I felt very guilty after that. Teeheee... :-)


From then on, as long as I can remember, whenever Hex invited, he always paid the bill, even for my friends! Wont he go bankrupt?!? Gee, Japanese psychology is erratic! :-)

Unfortunately, i do not have a Diary entry about the "date." I wonder why. Maybe I was simply too excited to write? Maybe words to describe just ceased to flow at that time? Or maybe if I wrote it would sound too corny? I really don't know why there was no entry about that Saturday night I so looked forward to. But sometimes it does happens this way since I only write in my diary if I'm urged to.


Anyway, that Saturday night was retained in memory. But I'm not going to detail the details for it may just bore the reader. :-)


By the way, when we first made the appointment to meet, he said that he will come by train and so we meet at my train station. But the night before the appointed day, he sent a short email saying he will come by car and will pick me up at the gate of my campus, and that if he's not there yet at the appointed time, I shall call him because he might just got lost on his way for it will be his first time to travel that route.


So the day came, I had this amazing archeology class (we call it "digging class" because we were digging pieces of broken pots and stone implements of some pre-historic people) that goes from 2:30 to 5 PM. And my date was at 6 o'clock. One of my classmates, who is also a friend and a kababayan, knew about my story and my date. All the while, whilst digging, brushing and examining specimens, I was feeling nervous and at the same time excited for my upcoming evening date. When the clock ticked 5:10, the Prof. was not yet dismissing us. This made me more nervous. 5:20, the Prof. seemed to be enjoying digging that very particularly day. 5:35, the Prof. was just very oblivious of time. So I told my friend that I'm going to slip away while the Prof. is not looking. And that's exactly what I did.


The digging site is surrounded by the forest so all I needed was to get out of the clearing and I would become invisible among the trees. While the Prof. was inside one of the pits, busy scrutinizing some tiny specimen with his magnifying glass, I casually walked away from the clearing. When I was behind the trees and the thick foliage, I ran to the dorm and quickly took a shower, put on a nice but casual clothes. I grabbed my bicycle and hurried to the gate. (yikes, when I think of this now it gives me tickles).



At exactly 6, I was there. But nobody was there, except me of course. I sat down on the pavement waiting. 6:05, nobody yet. I could feel my heart like I drank a lot of coffee but I kept calm. I thought to myself that if he does not appear by 6:10 to 6:15 I will call him. I was outside the gate and was looking towards the driveway, anticipating that I'll see a car coming from there. And then somebody said hello, from the back. I looked behind me and there was this young guy walking towards me, smiling shyly. I didn't recognize him at first sight but he recognized me, (well I was the only one there who was obviously waiting for somebody!). It was more than two months since we first saw each other.



Then he said he parked his car somewhere and that we have to walk to go there. So we did, and while walking, I asked him what time he started from his place, and he said, "3 o'clock" and that he reached my place at 4:30. So I figured that he had been waiting for me for another 1.5 hours at where he parked his car. And that explains why his hair looked like he just woke up from sleep, or perhaps from boredom. But I was flattered. :-)



Then when we were inside the car, he asked where I want to go. I opened my guidebook (yeah, i was a nerd) and told him that I want to go to where the biggest firework is on that evening. He looked at my guidebook and said that the place is at the center of Tokyo, where there would be so many people for the festival, and surely there would be no place to park. So I said that we can then go anywhere. He asked me if I have eaten dinner yet and I said no. So he suggested we go for dinner, and asked me if I know a good place since we are around my area. I thought of the places I used to go to with friends but I could not suggest them because I was shy (nyeheheh), and I actually wanted to discover other places. Since I couldn't suggest, we decided to go driving and look out for a place. And that's what we did, until we came to a place which he said is a good place. And so we went inside and we ordered. The place is quite expensive (for us students anyway) and I remembered I have only a thousand Yen in my purse because in my hurry, I forgot to withdraw from the campus ATM. One order for one person was like 1500, and he even ordered for a huge ice cream for me. And of course I couldn't eat. Not because the food was not good but because I was just too nervous, I had butterflies in my stomach.

I couldn't eat all my food and even my special dessert and he said it's ok, I should not eat more than I can.


And we talked. We talked about family, religion, politics and other things. And he kept on repeating, at regular intervals, that it was so wonderful that we met. I feigned indifference about that, although I felt very much the same as he does. Then I asked him, with a very serious tone, why he did not reply me for a very long time. When he realized that I seriously didn't like what happened, he profusely apologized. He seemed to have not expected that it was a big deal for me. To make it up, he promised that by next month he will buy a more high-tech mobile phone so he will email me everyday from his phone (this was year 2000). And yes, he told me that one reason for not replying sooner was because he was self-studying hard for English! He said he was very sorry that his English was not good when we first met. And indeed, his English has considerably improved! And yes, he in fact called Yuki's home and he spoke to a woman and asked for me. And that woman he spoke with told him that I am not there (we guessed that that woman was Yuki's mother and since she does not know anything about me, she thought that it was a wrong number call. He said that that's the only conversation that transpired between them).


By the way, dating in Japan, specially among students is a standard "Dutch Treat," that's why I was very worried about my money. Or, sometimes, the guy pays for the food and the girl pays the drinks (aha I will blog a story about this in another post, it's interesting).



After the meal and conversation, we decided to go out. But before that, we had to pay. He stood up, went to the cashier and I followed him. I had my purse in my hand and he just looked at me, smiled and said, he's going to pay "because Japanese men pay." I replied, "no, Japanese men don't pay, it's betsu-betsu" (pay your own). He was very amused, he affectionately tapped the money bills he was holding, on my head, laughing and saying: "you know so much about the Japanese!"



It was drizzling outside. We drove back to a park near my campus and we talked some more. Just before he dropped me off, he asked what I will be doing the next weekend. I said, a Canadian friend of mine is coming over to visit me. He was impressed. What about the week after that? The week after that will be my final exam week.


When we parted, we didn't set a date for a next meeting but we both kind of had a mutual quiet understanding that we would certainly meet again, soon.


It was half past midnight when I got back to the dorm and I knew that the main doors were already locked because the weekend curfew is 11:30. So I called up a friend through the public phone booth outside my dorm and she opened the door for me. If I were the other girls, I would go through the window at the back, trespassing in somebody else's room. :-)



Oh, I thought this post would be short but I didn't notice I went on babbling!!!

Thanks for reading!

Dear Diary. Today is Thursday, the 8th. I called Ken on Monday at about 1:30 PM. gosh! i can't explain how he really reacted. i don't know if he was expecting my call or not. our talk was a little bit awkward but cute I think :-). we had that communication thing but at least it was smoother than i expected. he is busy? he can't meet me on thursday or friday? well i think that's just good because thursday is NFJ party and i'm still having cough. Friday is Nahracks' open house party and kempo practice. saturday is not so good either, i have the archeology class and kempo club pictorial after that. but i have to sacrifice the pictorial in order to meet him... yay, i thought we gonna meet daytime, like in a coffeehouse or just have a casual lunch, like it is done with newfound friends, but it seems that he expected it to be in the evening, and also he is only free in the evening. anyway, in the evening of saturday it will be...


I hope our meeting will turn out to be good so that we'd want to see each other again if time permits. He had such a very gentle voice :-).. But why did he respond so late? although his email brings good message? how can you explain that? i'll know everything on saturday!


whew, it's like a dream again. a strange, romantic, bitter-sweet one, ha ha..

Dear Diary, today is sunday, the 4th.

Dear Diary. Today is friday, the 2nd. when i awoke this morning Ken was the first thought that came to my mind. now that i'm reading i'm still thinking of him.. though the hope still remains, there is no assurance of seeing him again. i have strong feelings that i will see him for the last time but... why doesn't he answer me? maybe because he is embarrassed not to speak english well and he thought we can't communicate anyway? or maybe because i'll be leaving soon anyway? how cruel if the latter is the reason. what's wrong with meeting up as good friends for the last time before i go? or maybe his friends told him that i'm no good for him and he believed it? or maybe he's just a plain playboy? or maybe he was not himself that day i met him and now he came back to his senses?.. yish, whatever the case, i'll just have to live my normal life. come what may. just wait for the next excitement and remain close friends with Zan... next time i'll do better.

Dear Diary. today is Wednesday, 31st.
One month more and I'm gone, my days are counted. there was a message from Yuki when i got home. i immediately called her to inquire about the phone call from Ken, but nobody's answering the phone. it was so bad. Bad, bad news, i was immediately saddened. Yuki didn't have to lie to me. i know that there was no call from Ken at all. I just have the feeling, i don't believe that that's all his message for me.. and there are gaps in the timing when he's supposed to have called.. and if it was her mother that Ken spoke with, I don't believe he told Yuki's mother about me... no, he didn't call, no response from him, as usual. The message according to Yuki is that Ken called and spoke to her mother saying that he is doing fine and has received the postcard and the letter and he is very thankful for my good wishes...and he also wished me good luck as I go back to my country, and goodbye. that's all. I can't believe this! it hurts...


i knew he didn't call because my roommate said that Yuki approached her at 3 o'clock asking about me, inquiring if i am ok.. my roomate was surprised, she told Yuki that as far as she knows I am looking just fine, like normal.. Mia, my roomate said that Yuki looked very worried so it worried her also! the time Ken has supposed to have called Yuki's mother was at 3:30PM, and Yuki was not yet home at that time because it takes her 2 hours by train to get home, and she does not carry a mobile phone. so how could she know that there was a call from Ken? she didn't have to lie to me just to save me from expecting and waiting for a word from Ken... now it hurts even more.. but i don't blame her, she's just doing what she thinks is good for me. she too is giving up on Ken..


hah, how i wished i haven't met Ken at all, then it wouldn't be this complicated.

Dear Diary. So Zan came over tonight after I called him. He seems cold now, did he suddenly have a change of heart? He gave me a really cute pair of Korean dolls as a present. Hah, at least that's something different compared to the key-chain-like trinkets she gave to the other girls. We went walking but he seemed not so interested about it. But he agreed to go walking. So why? Was it because he was afraid to hurt my feelings if he refuses? Gosh, he didn't have to feel that altruistic. I invited him to go cycling to the river, he said it's too far, he didn't like the idea. He wanted to go either to the archeological site or to the library. The digging site is dark and the library is bright. I didn't like to go to those places either. We ended up going to the garden, sat down and talked a while. He seemed to be in a hurry to go home. When I asked him if he wanna go home, he immediately said yes. He said he didn't miss me, or just a little bit. He was so cold, no expressions, no emotions, nothing. I asked him if he wanna see me tomorrow and he said he doesn't know. That he has some other things to do and he doesn't have any particular plans yet... Lord, what's happening? Oh... I don't know what's going on. Why are men this complicated?

Dear Diary. Today is Tuesday, the 16th. as planned I met Yuki at the station at 10 this morning and we went for the trip in search for a guy.. yes, guy-hunting, it waz. we're not able to find him. how could we expect to find one man amidst thousands of students anyway? aren't we silly girls? the woman at the office told us that they forwarded to him the postcard that I sent about a couple of months ago. and that they also called him after Yuki called them (the office of student affairs) 2 weeks ago...and then the woman asked in a rather sarcastic tone: "why, didn't he call you back? we cannot give you his information if he himself does not contact you." the woman in charge of student affairs looked really annoyed at us, giving us the look that as if we are crazy, desperate or cheap girls.. maybe we were, but what's wrong with looking up for a friend? maybe we are coming on too strong?.. anyway we left the office immediately like disappointed puppies. we went to get some food at the university cafeteria for we were starving, having walked a lot from the 3 boys dormitories, and not finding a trace of Ken.


Yuki had another good idea, we wrote another letter.. but she didn't want to hand it to the woman we talked with earlier, she said she doesn't have good vibes. I also didn't want to be the one to give the letter, i can't speak the language.. what if the woman asks me something and i couldn't understand her?! I had to convince Yuki that when we were leaving the office i looked back at the woman, and for a very brief moment, we stared at each other, and I saw her initially stony face changed into a compassionate expression, as if she suddenly had an understanding... anyway, i had to hand the letter to the woman.. my intuition was right, she became really kind, saying that she'll give the letter to Ken and smiling sincerely, even Yuki was very surprised of her sudden transformation.


So if he has been being informed why didn't he call Yuki or email me, even to acknowledge? was he shy? is mere shyness even a valid enough reason? he does not like me? have i been wrong in my feeling all along? i have very strong gut feeling that I will see him again... now I think the "friendly love letter" we left at the office is perfect. it will resolve whatever doubts and speculations i have.. He has the choice if he wants to meet me or not, there's no more excuse.


Dear Diary. today is Wednesday, the 17th. i just came back home. went out with Mathias for dinner and then we went down to the river and talked. i told him about Ken and his strange silence. i feel better now after talking with Mathias though he didn't give me any comforting opinion on what i shall do. Mathias said that the guy now has my contacts and he knows i'm looking for him and it's up to him to contact me if he likes. somehow I'm not convinced that Ken doesn't want to see me, I think he just doesn't know what to do. If he could only call Yuki or email me. Anyway, this crazy Zan is still around...


at first, when i told the story of the strange way of meeting Ken to the girl-friends, everybody was excited and wanted to see how he looks like, girly stuff you know.. but when i told it to a couple of guy friends, they were skeptic. Hex even joked that i'm just making up stories.. and later, when I told Mathias the story, his reaction was also mixed.. what's this difference between the guys and the girls' reactions? and now, 2 months later, even the girls seem to lose hope for me...

Dear Diary, today is Friday night, the 12th.
what's up!? been working to get in contact with Ken but no result. So there's an upcoming adventure proposed by my friend Yuki. we are going to go search for Ken in his university! yaay, how desperate that sounds!? i am going to finally go and find him! And Zan is coming back tomorrow from his job interview. gee, what an expensive way to apply for a job? have to travel to another country just for a job interview? oh well, that's how they do it here i guess.., sosyal! Well let's see what happens then.. if something unusual will happen or if I am even able to see Ken. Let's see. but i feel nervous now. Yuki will be there to interpret, teehee, so no worries... The only problem is if we fail to see even a shadow of him. what if we see him and he has a girlfriend??? no it can't be because he is the one for me! gosh ha? :-)


Dear Diary. Today is Sunday the 14th. I had a date with Zan. We talked about Mika. She came the other day and left a bag of oranges for me. I was out so I couldn't meet her. another weird Japanese, she should have made an appointment so I knew she was coming. Very unjapanese of her. but thanks for the oranges my friend, very generous of you and they're really sweet...


Dear Diary. Today is Monday, the 15th.
By the way, today at the library Hex introduced me "again" to Haru, and told him that he is my crush, up front! Haru was was perplexed, i was red with embarrassment. Hex laughed, so mischievous of him! I don't think Haru even knows what "crush" means, so Hex had to explain/interpret to him what it means, i guess he got the idea for he went pink as well.. ugh. Then Hex asked Haru if he remembers me, and this rude guy Haru replied "no".. ha?? how can you not remember me?? just last week we were lazing under the sun lying on the soft grass under a lovely flowering plum tree! gee, i know...i know.. he was lying because he was shocked to learn that he is my "crush." I hate Hex and his funny antics, kalokah.



Haru was really one of my crushes. he's kind of cute, like a movie character, teehee... hi hi hi..

Somebody (no i didn't ask that somebody) took this stolen photo of me and Haru. I was very surprised when I was handed this photo. He he..

My face is powdery white because this night was a party night and i did a special dance number, teeheeee....

Dear Diary. Today is Tuesday, the 18th. I had a morning class and then spent most of my time at the library. And then I went to pick up the photos and then cycled to the river with Zan. We've been there for 30 minutes then came back. Then he called and asked to dine out. I didn't like to. It's sad, why? I don't know... I am waiting for a word from Ken. Gosh, i don't want my letter to him to be returned to sender. How can I find him again if my letter don't reach him? It's been two weeks. I was so stupid. What about Zan, just what does he want from me. It's sad feeling.



Dear Diary. Sunday, 23rd. Tonight Leidy called me. She wanted to ask questions about Mathias. geee did she ever suspect me?! She opened up after learning all what she wanted to know. I am not her rival, and she could trust me. Hah, I think i learned new things again about boy-girl relationships, from his version of the story and from her version of the story. Oh life.



Dear Diary. Today is Monday, the 1st. Lately, I couldn't concentrate in class. I am thinking of both of them. I haven't given up neither Zan nor Ken. I've been wanting to have a boyfriend, but now I have only one more month then I have to leave this country. I want to see Ken before I leave! Is he thinking about me too? I can't concentrate because of the problem with Zan. I miss him. I have to face it. I should not restrain and repress my emotions because they'll only torture me more. Yesterday I left Zan a message, as expected he called me today but I was busy. He said he have to see his friends tonight. I called him again today and left a message. For sure he'll call back tomorrow. And I hope by tomorrow I'll get a message from Yuki if Ken contacted her. Anyway, by all means, i want to see Ken for the last time and maybe spent some time with him. I feel strangely indebted to Ken, while I feel a longing for Zan. Is it just a feeling of indebtedness? Or am I in love with Ken? shit. And what about Zan?



YuKi - is another friend who is so much into my story. she vowed to help me find Ken.

Dear Diary. Today is Monday, the 3rd. I'll be going to Kyoto tonight. Much have happened, the past few days. Emotional stirrings. The most striking was my excursion to an old castle four days ago. I went there on a solo adventure to see the cherry blossoms but i was lost because it was not so easy to go there as I have read from the instructions. I met this guy, Ken. He was one of the people I asked directions from. My first impression of him was that he is soooo good-looking! He offered to bring me to the place. Turns out that he himself doesn't know where I wanted to go! language barrier... Anyway, we found the place and I was very disappointed because there was no castle ruin as I imagined it to be, and even more disappointed because the sakura has not bloomed in the mountains yet. But being with this guy was just so a wonderful feeling. I didn't have any strong feelings towards him though while we were touring. But he seemed to be, hmm. I can't say.. I just felt that he is so caring, kind and sincere. Then he brought me to his school and showed me around. He tried his best to communicate with me but I was not very enthusiastic because of the language barrier. I was tired talking and walking at the same time. He drove me back to the station, after a half-day tour! I thought of giving him a big hug before parting for he really deserve it, after all, he sacrificed his other appointments just to help me workout my indefinite adventure.


When the car stopped in front of the station, I didn't know what to do. I mumbled some incoherent thank yous. For some reason, he became so nervous and upset with a very gentle smile. I just know we were parked illegally and I have to get out as fast as I could. We didn't even exchange personal info, email, phone numbers, address. I think maybe he wasn't sure if it is proper for him to ask, and me too, it just didn't occur to me to ask his contacts. Yay, since that day I've been thinking about this guy Ken. It was romantic day, very, very. Unexpected, with air of mystery. We both know that I'll be leaving in 3 months though. gee..


Another occurrence is this funny Hex sent me an April fool's day message. I really like it and revised it and sent it to friends. I also sent to Zan then he emailed back saying he wants to talk to me after his job interview on wednesday (tomorrow). He mentioned he also hoped that I'll have a real boyfriend soon. Ha ha ha.. here he is, the guy i've been liking for more than a couple of months now! gee, i thought it's just 3 weeks. I think I've been giving him encouragements but i have mixed feelings now. I don't know if that is good or bad. My feelings is disappearing specially that I met Ken. I may no longer reciprocate his feelings since he doesn't really show that he is sincere. i.e. he always leaves me, he doesn't email back. Is he just shy? But why? Or too busy? If he really likes a girl he should spare a time. I'm now torn between two lovers, teehee... I'm just so glad that I'm going to Kyoto for a few days and I will have fun time there. I really don't know what the plans of the Lord for me concerning my love life. It's good that I'm still sane. Yes I am. Mathias thinks so that's why he relies on me when he has some emotional stuff going on. ha ha.


And then the other things that happened was Mathias' breakup with Leidy. Mathias too has his own love problems to deal with this times. Funny huh? Well, we are still the champion my friend :-) And there's the flirty Hex, and the desperate Chan. And the broken-hearted Mika, and the blissful Katie... How can I handle all these??? To discourage Hex, and to be cruel to Chan. And to be dreaming a hopeless dream with Ken, and to face uncertainty with Zan? Gosh, I'm really getting too involved... maybe Risa can listen? I have to sort things out. I'm really glad I'm leaving this place for a while to get out from this complexity yet emotional solitude. I hope that next time I will have a smarter decision to write here and a good conclusion too...


Zan - is my "crush"
Ken - the mystery guy I just met
Mathias - is a very close friend of mine
Leidy - is another friend of mine, Mathias' girl.
Hex - is a very funny, flirty guy who wants to make me his girl friend, he was always inviting me to his home to introduce me to his mom. yay!
Chan - is my stalker, we share very similar political views and he wants to make me his "partner." arghh...
Mika - is a friend of mine. I introduced her to Zan and she fell in love with him. But he doesn't reciprocate her feelings.
Katie - is another friend, who is in her own world. We went to Kyoto together.
Risa - is a friend of mine coming over to visit me on her way to the U.S. from the Philippines.

Dear Diary. It's Saturday, 20th. My infatuation with him is finally fading.. i hope it is. I met him last week, accidentally, and he had been explaining how busy he was. I don't believe him. How busy? I think he can still find time to talk to people. Well, God bless him! Why was he explaining to me how busy he was anyway? To justify why he didn't reply my mail, he didn't call me? Whatever... let him be and I shall leave him alone. But thanks God, my craziness is cooling off. I'm gonna wait a little bit more for that dream guy. Maybe a relationship with Zan is never meant to be. At least I feel better now, after I saw him. I shall never email him again, no more my plans of inviting him. I will only be turned down I guess. And he's so busy, I might disrupt his concentration. So be it, so be it.

Dear Diary. Today is Tuesday, the 25th. I have been thinking of him.
I went to the gym for the first time today for karate practice and I thought I saw him going in as I was going out from the basement. He was with some friends. I think he saw me, though he pretended otherwise... but I'm not sure. Most likely he did... although I'm not sure. I felt bad when I reached home. I really feel bad why he suddenly became so quiet and that he seems to reject me and my friendship. I ate my dinner, studied, checked mail, washed and brushed my teeth, then started to read again... and then he called!!! My gosh, he called me, he could have called other people like Ming.


He asked me if he can come over and I said no, it's not possible because it would already be passed the curfew hours in a matter of minutes. So he asked me if I can go to the library, and I said yes. So we met at the library. We studied (?) for some minutes and then talked about girls, about him, etc. Then we have to go out because it's already midnight, closing time. He asked me if I can go to his dorm, because there are not many people there, and I said no, I can't... So we walked until we reached Dee bldg., and then we just stood at the crossroads for maybe about 30 minutes. He told me stories about his family. He asked me about my family. We just talked because he liked to talk and I liked to talk also. Before saying goodbye, he said to keep in touch and I said yes. When I came back to my room, I couldn't concentrate on my reading. So I went to bed thinking, I kept thinking till morning..