Much have been going-on recently. I went to the countryside for a week, which was a good breather and a change of environment.


I came back inspired but accidentally deleted a month's worth of work. It was mortifying! (that's what happens when you are ignorant about computers). It was a very simple problem that required a very simple solution. But in my panic, it became complicated leading to a 'major' computer tweaking.


Anyway, I spent a stressful four days trying to piece things back together, especially with the machine. And after everything was restored back to normalcy, I spent a few more days recovering from the shock. How could that have happened? How can I be so unaware? How could have I been misled from the shortcut solution that would have solved the problem in a matter of minutes?


But then as they say, there is always a reason for everything. Because of that sudden pause in my smoothly flowing (and perhaps dreamy) existence, I got to reconnect with at least 3 people. Still, I am tempted to think whether it was all worth all the stress, anxiety and the unnecessary loss. Well, maybe. And if we think in terms of "eternity," in the long run, what happened may certainly be for the good of all.


Yet still...
Yes, my computer is now fixed, but can I just get back the lost file too? So I don't have to re-do everything again? If I have to re-do, and it takes another month, it would be like time-warp, one month gone to black hole.


As I said, it took a few more days to psychologically recover from that unexpected break in my smooth-going momentum. Maybe I am just exaggerating, or over-reacting to what happened. A friend advised to let go and not to be attached to what is gone. (What is really gone is nothing like material but only time, energy, and effort.. and I am admittedly a lazy person to re-do what was already done).


But, really, the issue here is not about letting go or anything about "attachment..." It goes deeper than that. You see, I adhere to the "philosophy of effortlessness" -- if something is difficult, it is probably not meant to be, because you are probably going against the natural current.


Since I started this obscure project of mine, exactly about a year ago, everything had been flowing effortlessly. I consulted the omens and they were auspicious. I followed what I believed as guidance and everything seemed to concur, giving me the green light. I calmly watched as things fell into place. Until that 'thing' happened last week, which gave me a lot of headaches. And is now giving me a lot of thinking.



The issue is:

Is this really what I should be doing right now? Or should I be doing something else instead?


I consulted the oracle of Delphi and it is giving me mixed messages. Or perhaps I just don't know how to decipher the messages?

One says, "complete the incomplete, without delay!"
The other simply says: outcome is "Death."


"Death" is not bad, that I understand. It is the ending of something so a beginning could begin. And this "Death" is mostly about "change in consciousness." So, what is it that is about to change? die? or transform?


If there is something that is going to die, I'd rather do nothing until it becomes apparent what is going to change/die, and so I know what I should be doing accordingly.


Because if I start re-doing the 'deleted work' and it was not meant to be, then it would be another waste.


Hmmm... but the problem now could probably be about being caught up with the intricacies of how my mind processes drawbacks like this.


What the heck, why don't I just re-do it and get it over with?!


But, what if.....


Jeeeezzzz.....


This entry was posted on Saturday, November 21, 2009 and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 comments:

    Angeli said...

    back up, back up, back up. :)

  1. ... on 11/23/09, 1:34 PM  
  2. Kayni said...

    hmm...i agree with Angeli, back up. but then you could be right, what if it's not meant to be. you can start redoing it and see where it takes you, your take of the subject you've written before might be analyzed in a different angle now. a new chance to rediscover something new.

  3. ... on 11/24/09, 4:40 AM  
  4. artemis said...

    there was an automatic backup copy. the stupid thing is i didn't know it existed and so i replaced the deleted one with the same file name, thereby overwriting the backup copy!

    im re-doing it but it seems it's taking me to do it as before...

    :-)

  5. ... on 11/24/09, 8:56 AM